I have four kids, one of whom is a special child named Shane. She is our youngest and only five years old. She was diagnosed a year ago with autism.
Because of her condition, I have been giving her more attention and care. My husband and my three other kids (ages 12, 10, and 8) are becoming envious of her. I don’t blame them for feeling that way, but how can I make them understand that Shane needs all our love and care because of her special condition?
Please help me.
Anne
Dear Anne,
You have a predicament of most moms, especially those with a child who has special needs. Your three older children are in the stage of developing themselves and their identity as individuals. They may be older and have normal development, yet each child is in need of attention from a nurturing parent. While I acknowledge the fact that your youngest has extreme needs than the older ones, the others still need you.
Reflect on these questions to help you have the right balance in raising all of them:
* How much of your time is spent on your youngest, as well as on each of the three older kids?
* Do you often make your child’s disorder a limiting factor in giving attention and affection towards your other kids and husband?
* Does your life revolve around your child’s condition, thus affecting your other relationships?
Despite the needs of the youngest, each child needs to feel special. The envy of the older kids towards the youngest is actually saying, “We need you, too, Mom!” If their need remains unmet, it will be harder for them to understand and accept their sibling’s condition. They see it as a hindrance to their need to be with you. They can only give what they have. While they may seem older, remember they are still kids and need to be mature emotionally and intellectually through your constant presence and affection for them. Try to sit down with each of them and listen to their needs without explaining yourself. Then set individual time for each of them, whether on a date or an activity you can do together. Try to continuously connect with each child, despite the condition of the other.
It may be a struggle. Yet with God’s grace, open disposition, proper self-care for you, and consistent presence for the other kids, they will eventually feel your love, which they can then share with their sibling.
Praying with you as you balance giving all your children their emotional needs.
Michele